I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
And then he peed in my hair
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