i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
