man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
