I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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