Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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