Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
