She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
