Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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