Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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