we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
