ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize