sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
