I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
