ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
