Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
