so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
