1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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