he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
