i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize