Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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