i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
