he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
