Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
