Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize