It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
