Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
