I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
