so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
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Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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