Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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