we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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