You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
