no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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