u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
