hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
