I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
