birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
