We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
