Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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