listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
