If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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