google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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