Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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