well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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