a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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