Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
