I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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