So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
