does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
