I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
