This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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