I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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