I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
