he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
