I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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