is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
