I think I am morally bankrupt
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
