I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
