what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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