she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
