i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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