just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize