I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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