2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
