Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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