So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
