so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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